Validation is about being understood, while approval is about being accepted. Here’s how telling them apart can strengthen your self-worth and relationships.
By Sergio Toledo
Editor-in-Chief, Heed to Heal
Introduction
Everyone wants to feel seen and understood. When someone listens and acknowledges what we’re feeling, it provides comfort that words alone can’t always express. That need for recognition is deeply human. Yet many people confuse validation with approval, assuming they are the same thing. They are connected, but they fulfill very different emotional needs.
Validation is about being understood. Approval is about being accepted. One strengthens your inner sense of worth, while the other often depends on someone else’s opinion. The difference might seem subtle, but it shapes how we view ourselves and how we connect with others.
Learning to tell them apart helps create more authentic relationships and a stronger sense of self. It teaches us that understanding does not always require agreement—and that being valued does not have to depend on someone’s approval.
What Validation Really Means
Validation means recognizing that a person’s emotions, thoughts, or experiences are real and worthy of acknowledgment. It does not mean agreeing with everything they say or do. It simply communicates, “I can see how you feel that way.” This simple statement can soften tension and restore connection in ways that logic or advice cannot.
When someone validates you, they are saying your feelings make sense given your experience. That kind of understanding can ease self-doubt and create emotional safety. It reminds you that your inner world matters.
Validation is also a skill we can practice with ourselves. By noticing our own emotions without judgment—saying “It’s okay that I feel this way right now”—we begin to meet our own emotional needs instead of waiting for others to do it first.
Why Approval Feels Safer but Lasts Less
Approval, on the other hand, often involves someone else agreeing with or endorsing your choices. It can feel rewarding in the moment, but its comfort is temporary. Approval depends on external acceptance, and because people’s opinions can change, it keeps you seeking reassurance again and again.
Many people chase approval because it feels safer than sitting in uncertainty. Approval can quiet self-doubt quickly, but it doesn’t build real confidence. Over time, this pattern can lead to anxiety and people-pleasing, as your sense of worth becomes tied to others’ reactions.
Here are some gentle differences to remember:
- Validation says, “Your feelings make sense.”
- Approval says, “I agree with what you’re doing.”
- Validation leads to self-acceptance.
- Approval often creates dependence on outside opinions.
- Validation nurtures growth.
- Approval offers comfort that fades quickly.
When we rely only on approval, we hand over control of our self-worth. But when we seek validation—especially from within—we begin to stand on solid ground.
Choosing Understanding over Agreement
The healthiest relationships are built not on constant approval, but on mutual understanding. When people can validate each other without always agreeing, it creates space for both honesty and respect. It says, “I may see this differently, but I still care about how you feel.”
Practicing this kind of understanding takes patience. It means slowing down, listening carefully, and remembering that empathy matters more than being right. In romantic relationships, friendships, or family conversations, validation keeps the connection steady even when opinions differ.
When we stop chasing approval and start honoring validation, we reclaim our emotional freedom. We learn that being seen does not require being perfect and that our feelings deserve recognition even when others cannot relate. The difference between validation and approval is the difference between living to be understood and living to be accepted—and one leads you closer to peace.
References
- Greater Good Science Center. “Why Validation Matters More Than Agreement.”
- Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.
- American Psychological Association. “Emotional Validation and Its Role in Healthy Relationships.”
Originally published by Heed to Heal, 11.03.2025, under the terms of a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International license.
