Feel like you don’t belong in college? You’re not alone. Learn why these feelings are often tied to anxiety and how to find more comfort and connection.
By Sergio Toledo
Editor-in-Chief, Heed to Heal
Introduction
College is often described as a place where people “find themselves.” But what if, instead of feeling found, you feel lost? What if you walk through campus believing everyone else fits in while you quietly wonder if you ever will? For some students, especially those who already feel different, this experience can be lonely and emotionally exhausting.
You may feel like you don’t dress the same, speak the same, or share the same interests as your classmates. You might catch yourself overthinking everything you do, wondering if people are watching or judging you. This sense of being “other” is heavy, and it can make it hard to feel present, let alone thrive.
The truth is, these feelings are more common than they seem. And in many cases, they’re not about who you are as a person. They’re rooted in anxiety, social pressure, and fear of being misunderstood.
The Anxiety of Feeling Watched
When you believe everyone is focused on you, it’s often a sign that your mind is in protection mode. Social anxiety can make you hyperaware of how you walk, talk, or sit in a room. You may feel like every action is being judged, even if no one is actually paying that much attention.
This feeling comes from something called the “spotlight effect.” It’s a common mental distortion where we assume others are noticing everything we do. In reality, most people are too caught up in their own thoughts to give us that much focus. But anxiety convinces us that we are on display all the time.
The more different you feel, the louder that inner voice becomes. You might be comparing yourself to others who seem confident or socially at ease. But what you don’t see is how many others are hiding the same fears. You are not the only one navigating those uncomfortable, uncertain feelings.
Why You Might Feel like You Don’t Belong
If you come from a different background, had a unique upbringing, or don’t quite click with the social norms around you, it’s natural to feel like an outsider. College campuses can feel overwhelming, especially when everyone seems to move in groups or fall into a rhythm you haven’t found yet.
You may also carry internalized doubts about whether you deserve to be there. These doubts can come from old insecurities, past experiences, or the belief that you need to act a certain way to be accepted. Over time, this creates a silent pressure to fit in or disappear.
It’s important to recognize that belonging doesn’t require sameness. You don’t have to mirror other people’s behaviors or personalities to earn a place in the world. Your presence matters just as you are, even if you haven’t fully settled into your environment yet.
How to Feel More Comfortable over Time
You don’t have to fix everything overnight. Start by finding small spaces that feel safe. This could be a quiet corner of the library, a certain bench outside, or a smaller class where you feel more seen. Claiming just one space can make a big difference.
It also helps to notice who makes you feel calm instead of self-conscious. You may not find “your people” immediately, but there are likely others who feel just as unsure. Opening up, even just a little, can create the kind of connection that makes you feel more human.
Lastly, give yourself permission to be uncomfortable without rushing to make it stop. Growth isn’t always easy, and belonging takes time. But you are already doing something powerful just by showing up. That’s not nothing. That’s the beginning of being seen.
A Gentle Reminder
Feeling like the “weird one” doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re a person with depth, sensitivity, and maybe a quieter way of moving through the world. That isn’t a flaw. It’s just part of your rhythm.
The discomfort you feel right now doesn’t define your entire story. With time, the places that feel awkward will become familiar. The people who feel distant may become friends. And the version of you that once felt unsure will grow into someone grounded, strong, and fully present.
You do belong. You don’t need to earn that. You just need to give yourself time to settle into it.
References
- Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). (2022). Navigating college with anxiety.
- American Psychological Association. (2021). College students and mental health: Seeking connection and support.
- University of Michigan Counseling Center. (2023). Adjustment to college: Normalizing transition stress.
Originally published by Heed to Heal, 09.03.2025, under the terms of a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International license.
