Photo courtesy of Alex Green via Pexels

If your partner spends impulsively and it’s hurting your finances, you’re not alone. Here’s how to cope, communicate, and protect your stability.

By Sergio Toledo
Editor-in-Chief, Heed to Heal

Introduction

Money can be a delicate subject in any relationship, but when one partner has a habit of overspending while the other is constantly trying to stay afloat, the emotional toll can be immense. Maybe your partner likes to go out often, buys things that seem unnecessary, or collects items that clutter the home—despite the fact that there’s barely enough left to pay for the essentials. When this happens regularly, it’s not just stressful—it’s exhausting.

This kind of imbalance can make one person feel like they’re always trying to be the responsible one, while the other gets to avoid consequences. Over time, it creates a sense of emotional loneliness, frustration, and even fear about the future.

The Emotional Weight of Uneven Spending

While it might seem like the issue is just about money, what’s really happening is a breakdown in shared values. One partner may see spending as a form of comfort or release, while the other sees it as a threat to stability. And when you’re the one worried about bills, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re carrying the entire weight of the household alone.

Spending can be emotional. For some people, shopping or going out helps distract from stress or unhappiness. It may feel like a way to enjoy life or reclaim a sense of freedom after a hard workweek. But when these habits spiral beyond what the budget can handle, it doesn’t matter how good the intention was—if the basics like rent, food, and bills are at risk, the emotional and financial toll adds up fast.

What You Can Do

The most important thing is to open the door to honest communication without turning it into a confrontation. It helps to speak from a place of shared concern: “I’m scared we’re falling behind, and I need us to be more in sync about how we’re spending.”

The goal isn’t to assign blame, but to invite your partner into the conversation. Sometimes people don’t realize the impact of their habits until it’s spelled out gently and clearly. Having a shared goal—like saving for something meaningful or building an emergency cushion—can make the conversation feel more like a team effort rather than a lecture.

You might also agree to pause before making non-essential purchases—giving yourselves 24 or 48 hours to think it through. This creates a little breathing room and reduces impulsive decisions. For some couples, it helps to review spending together each month, not as a punishment, but as a quiet check-in. It’s not about micromanaging—it’s about staying connected to your shared reality.

If your partner tends to spend out of boredom or stress, you could work together to find healthier ways to decompress—taking walks, cooking at home, or creating cozy routines on days off. It’s not always about saying no—it’s about finding other ways to say yes to comfort, joy, and togetherness.

And sometimes, it’s worth asking: What is this spending trying to soothe? Is it a way to escape stress, feel a sense of control, or recreate the feeling of reward? When you can talk about what’s underneath it, it becomes easier to support each other instead of falling into cycles of tension and silence.

When Change Doesn’t Come

There are times when no amount of talking seems to make a difference. If your partner continues to dismiss your concerns or avoid responsibility, it’s okay to prioritize your own stability. That doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it means you’re protecting yourself.

Seeking help from a couples counselor or financial therapist can offer a neutral space for hard conversations. And if the financial stress is causing real harm to your mental health or well-being, it may be time to ask yourself what you’re willing to continue tolerating.

You Deserve Peace around Money

It’s not wrong to want balance. It’s not wrong to expect shared responsibility. And it’s definitely not wrong to feel overwhelmed when someone else’s choices are impacting your life in painful ways.

You’re not being controlling. You’re being careful. And that’s not something to apologize for.

References

  • Klontz, B., & Klontz, T. (2009). Mind Over Money: Overcoming the Money Disorders That Threaten Our Financial Health.
  • Papp, L. M., Cummings, E. M., & Goeke-Morey, M. C. (2009). For richer, for poorer: Money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58(1), 91–103.
  • Dew, J. (2008). Debt change and marital satisfaction change in recently married couples. Family Relations, 57(1), 60–71.
  • Financial Therapy Association. (2023). The role of money beliefs and behaviors in relationships.

Originally published by Heed to Heal, 07.29.2025, under the terms of a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International license.